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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30092469">There are things that we can have, but can't keep</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MageOfCole/pseuds/MageOfCole'>MageOfCole</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>DC (but make it gayer) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DCU (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics), Justice League - All Media Types, The Flash (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Bisexual Hal Jordan, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hal Jordan Needs A Hug, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss, M/M, No Beta We Die Like My Faith In DC, Not Happy, Wally West Needs a Hug, Wally West is The Flash, loss of a loved one, mentioned Barry Allen - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:48:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,947</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30092469</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MageOfCole/pseuds/MageOfCole</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hal isn't on Earth when the Flash dies; he's out in space, radio-silent, and on a mission from the Guardians. He’d died saving the world, he died a hero, and he would always be remembered for that, to the point that any Flash after him would have a dark shadow looming over them.<br/>Wally is just the first of those to step into those yellow shoes, and Hal tries to offer what he can to the young man his lover raised.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barry Allen/Hal Jordan, Hal Jordan &amp; Wally West</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>DC (but make it gayer) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>There are things that we can have, but can't keep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteenthMouse6572/gifts">ThirteenthMouse6572</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crab_Lad/gifts">Crab_Lad</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This entire fic is inspired by the speech Hal Jordan gives Teri in Justice League 3000</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hal isn’t on Earth when Barry dies. He’d been in deep space, running a mission for the Guardians that needed him to go completely radio-silent for a month and a half. It had been an absolutely miserable time, but he’d managed, telling himself that with every day that passed he was closer and closer to being able to go back to Earth, that soon he’d be able to sleep in his own bed and hold his boyfriend close. He doesn’t even <em> know </em>until he’s returned to the Watchtower, and goes looking for him.</p><p>He’d been confused, at first, when he’d noticed the strange looks the heroes he passed sent him, the way they parted as he’d passed. He’d been confused until John and Diana had pulled him aside and broke the news to him as gently as possible.</p><p>Barry was dead.</p><p>Barry had died while Hal was in space, not even a week after he had gone radio silent. He’d died saving the world, over a month ago, and Hal <em> hadn’t been there</em>. He’d had a hero’s funeral, there was talk of setting up a statue in memorial in Central City. He <em> died </em> while Hal was in space; Hal had spent the month telling himself that soon he’d be able to see him again, soon he’d be able to touch and hold him again.</p><p>Barry was <em> gone</em>.</p><p>Hal can’t remember what the last thing he had said to Barry was. He couldn’t remember if he had told Barry that he loved him, if he had said something deep and meaningful or something light and sarcastic. He knows they had had dinner before he’d left, he knows that Barry had smiled at him and kissed him goodbye, Hal knows that he had laughed and told Barry that he’d see him soon, but he can’t remember the conversation they’d had in full. He feels like he should, that he should remember the last moment he’d seen the man he loves in perfect clarity, because it’s what Barry - the amazingly kind and gentle man he’d fallen in love with, who loved Hal despite all the things he’d fucked up in his life - deserves.</p><p>Hal’s legs had given out on him, the green energy of his ring sputtering out and dying with his will as it had all sunk in. He’d dropped like a stone, numb with horror and eyes wide and unseeing, and it was only John’s strong arms looping around his shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug that had stopped him from hitting the unforgiving floor. He’d probably been in shock, because he hadn’t cried, hadn’t screamed or shouted or gotten angry, he’d just gone numb and silent, staring at the wall blankly as John had held him. He’d gone quiet, he hadn’t uttered a word, and simply let John herd him towards the zeta beams and take him back to Coast City, back to the apartment Hal rarely stayed in, because he was usually in space, or at Barry’s small house outside of Central City.</p><p>He knows now what was in their eyes - <em> pity</em>. Pity because they all had some idea of the relationship between Green Lantern and Flash. It wasn’t like he and Barry hid the fact that they were a couple. They ate together, took missions together, watched each other’s backs and hovered over each other in the medbay; honestly, it was pretty obvious, even if there were a lot of people who wondered just how the mild mannered Flash and hot headed Green Lantern managed to get along long enough to begin a relationship in the first place.</p><p>But not a lot of people knew them as Hal and Barry. Didn’t know them beyond the masks they wore.</p><p>It doesn’t matter anymore, though, because Barry is dead.</p><p>Barry is dead, and Hal is alone.</p><p>Hal shuts himself away; he locks himself in his apartment, takes a leave from the League and the Corps, and stays huddled away in a darkened room, mind racing through regrets and memories. He wouldn’t even be able to go out if he wanted to, not as Green Lantern, because he hadn’t been able to light his ring since he’d learned, barely made it flicker despite it being a full charge, so John and Guy pick up his slack. Sometimes, he feels something other than the numbness of loss when he sees them on the news, doing his job for him, but even that isn’t enough to make Hal will himself to move again. Alan comes by, sometimes, but it doesn’t change anything, only makes him remember to eat because the older Lantern is always bringing food and has <em> mastered </em>that look that makes Hal listen to what he’s saying.</p><p>He’s worrying them, he knows, worrying his fellow Leaguers too, but Hal’s never handled loss well, even since he was that kid staring at the flaming wreck of his father’s plane. He obsesses, the therapist had told his mother, back when they were still trying to pry into his head to pull out his thoughts so that he’d stop dreaming of flying someday, because his mom didn’t want to lose anyone else to the fires of a crashed plane but Hal was too stubborn to listen. Back then, Hal had been standing outside of the door, listening listening to his mom cry and beg the psychologists to <em> fix </em>him, to make him normal; he’d been quiet and numb then too, because even back then, even at eight, he’d known that while his mom loved him, he was too much like his dad and that was all she could see in his eyes.</p><p>Hal had shut down back then, and he shuts down now too.</p><p>The what-ifs are loud, an ever-present shouting in his mind that he can’t block out. He wonders what could have happened if he had been there, if he’d been on Earth when Barry had run so fast that his body had burned up. Could he have stopped it? Could his ring have saved Barry?</p><p>They haunt him almost as much as Barry does.</p><p>When the door to his apartment opens, Hal barely looks up from where he sits on the lumpy old couch, staring out the window and watching the cars zoom past. He’s used to it at this point, the comings and goings of his fellow Lanterns, so he just keeps staring, hoping that whoever came to watch him stew in his depression would leave him to it. That is, until his visitor speaks up.</p><p>“Uncle Hal.” Hal jerks, head snapping up and around at the young, wrecked voice. Wally looks horrible, and Hal isn’t surprised - though he does feel guilty that he had forgotten about the speedster that had once run at Barry’s side. Wally had been Iris and Barry’s son in all but blood, and then, after Zoom had killed Iris, he’d only had Barry.</p><p>Barry, and Hal, who hadn’t let Barry out of his sight if he could help it.</p><p>But Hal had forgotten - so caught up in himself that he forgot about the boy Barry had been raising. God - Wally wasn’t even twenty yet, and he’d lost both of the closest things to actual parents that weren’t pieces of rotting shit he’d ever had, and now he was stuck with <em> Hal </em>of all people.</p><p>“Wally.” He croaks, stumbling to his feet with all the grace of a newborn colt. Wally is pale, almost gray, with dark circles under dull eyes; he looks like he hadn’t slept since Barry’s death. “Shit, kid - I -” Hal stutters slightly, guilt burning in his gut, “- I’m sorry.” For not being here. For not helping Barry. For not being on Earth. For not being there for him in the aftermath.</p><p>Wally’s smile is shaky, and almost heartbreaking to look at, “It’s okay.” The kid says, shrugging. He steps forward, wrapping his arms around Hal’s torso, and folds himself against the Lantern, pressing his forehead against Hal’s collarbone. “Nightwing told me you were planet-side.” The words aren’t even accusing, but God knows Hal deserved that and more. They just sound tired, a soul-deep exhaustion out of place in such a young man.</p><p>Hal lets out a shaky breath, holding the young man close. Shit, he’s horrible - leaving Wally on his own, and not even having the balls to tell him that he’d come back. “I’m sorry.” Hal says again, uselessly. “How’re you holding up?”</p><p>Wally lets out a shuddering sigh, “I’m holding.” He says, bitter amusement in his voice. “Jay’s been - he’s been running patrols.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Hal sighs. Alan had told him, during one of his earlier visits; at the time, it had angered Hal, knowing that someone other than Barry was protecting Central, but now he’s come to terms with it. Barry may be dead, but crime wouldn’t have stopped, no matter how much the twin cities adored the Flash.</p><p>“I -” Wally’s voice cuts off. He goes quiet, hesitates, and pulls back, fiddling with the heavy golden ring on his finger.</p><p>His Flash ring.</p><p>Green eyes flash, harden, then Wally meets his eyes head-on. “Jay can’t do it all.” Wally says, “He’s retired. But -” he grows hesitant, “- but the world needs a Flash.” He finishes quietly. “And it needs to be me.” Wally ducks his head again, and Hal’s heart thunders in his chest. “I - I just - I’m not <em> him</em>. It feels wrong.”</p><p>It was inevitable, Hal knows, that Wally would become the Flash. Barry had always told him that his sidekick had always had potential, had the goodness inside of him needed to be a hero, that he would make an amazing Flash.</p><p>But he’d always hoped that Barry would be here to see it happen.</p><p>“You’re not Barry.” Hal finds himself saying, then he winces. <em> Way to go, Jordan, just fuck it up all over again</em>. He scrambles to recover, “But you can’t get your confidence from <em> him</em>.” Wally looks at him with sad green eyes, and Hal reaches forward, placing a hand on the kid’s shoulder. “You’ve got to find it in yourself, Wally. You’re the Flash now, and that name means something to people.” Hal lets out a slow breath, forcing himself away from the foggy cloud of numbness he had fallen into. “I know it’s going to be hard, it’s going to be a heavy weight to carry, a heavy legacy.” He thinks of Abin Sur, and the expectations that had come with being his <em> replacement</em>. “Barry - he was - he was the best. Not just as a hero, but as a <em> human being </em>. That’s a lot to live up to.” Wally nods, but Hal isn’t done yet. “But you know what kid? You’re gonna do it. You know why I know?”</p><p>“...No.” Wally whispers, voice thick, and Hal moves his hand to gently press against the kid’s cheek, like Barry’s had.</p><p>“Because <em> Barry </em>believed in you.” Hal says with a surety that he hasn’t felt since the moment Diana had told him what had happened. “He knew you’d be great. Always said that you’d be better than him, and I believe him.”</p><p>“What if I can’t be?” Wally’s voice shakes miserably, eyes shiny with tears, “I’m <em> not </em>Barry.”</p><p>“There’s not going to be another Barry, kid.” Hal’s words tear past his throat, shredding his heart with them, “He’s <em> dead</em>. You’re not Barry, because you’re <em> you</em>.”</p><p>Barry’s dead. He’s dead and gone, and Hal wasn’t there for him. He’d promised that he’d be there for him, once, and had planned to keep that promise; but, well, everyone had always told him he had commitment issues, hadn’t they? That he broke promises as easily as breathing.</p><p>May as well live up to that.</p>
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